Q: When your kids were young, what were some of the biggest stressors for you as a mom?
One of my most niggling pet peeves is depicted in this little song I wrote one night while staring at the minefield that was my kitchen floor. It’s sung to the tune of “Three Blind Mice.” Go ahead — sing along. Then just try to stop.
“Chunks” by Debora Coty, lyricist extraordinaire
Chunks, chunks, chunks;
I’m standing in the chunks.
Chunks, chunks, chunks,
Everywhere there’s chunks …
Bananas and crackers and pizza hunks,
They’re gooey and sticky and oh so plump;
Can’t tell if they’re from Junior’s mouth or his rump,
These chunks, chunks, chunks;
Chunks, chunks, chunks.
What can I say? It’s not Taylor Swift … but give her a few years.
Q: How do the “shoulds” in a mom’s life cause her more stress? Where does the pressure come 
from, and how can a mom learn to turn off the pressure valve?
Should is a dangerous word. It’s a stress-filled, pressure-packed slave driver. It ruthlessly inflates the bulk of a mother’s to-do list, often crowding out healthy sanity-essentials with guilt-induced clutter:
- I should go to that parents’ meeting.
- I should make the time to bake brownies for my new neighbor.
- My mother thinks I should cook a big dinner every night like she did.
- I should clean my house, so the kids will stop writing notes in the dust.
- I should do more … help more … be more.
But as every mother knows, more isn’t always better. Sometimes it’s just overwhelming. You know, we can be whelmed without being overwhelmed. Whelmed is livable; overwhelmed is strangling. We just need to recognize that we truly do have the power to choose which shoulds are potential coulds, then unapologetically embrace the woman our choices make us.
Here are a few suggestions to morph performance pressure from strangling to livable:
- Be stress smart. When you’re slammed into a stress mess, take a mom’s time-out. Sit down with a cup of hot tea … close your eyes … tune into Papa God’s heartbeat … feel His peace that surpasses all understanding. Slap guilt to the curb when the tyranny of the urgent attacks; you are important. Everything else can wait a few minutes. I promise you the world will not end while you regroup.
- Avoid BOOP (Boiling Oatmeal Overflow Phenomenon). I believe women are like pots of oatmeal; at the beginning of the day, we simmer — little manageable bubbles of stress rise to the surface and harmlessly pop. However, as the day progresses, the heat escalates and the oatmeal boils higher and wilder and meaner until it overflows and spoils everything around it with a nasty, ugly, sticky mess. The key to avoiding BOOP is knowing when to remove the pot from the burner.
- Be a dipstick. The Lord puts only enough fuel in your daily tank for you to arrive safely at the destination He routed out for you. All the detours you add will either run you out of gas or land you in a ditch. Check your tank, review your destination, and then engage in the Three Ps: Prioritize, Plan, and Pace yourself.
Q: Why is it so important for a mom to put away her to-do list on occasion and take time for herself? How does this benefit the family as a whole?
The old saying is spot-on: When Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.
Q: We live in a world where we are constantly attached to our electronics. How does being so dependent on electronics as adults influence the physical, social, emotional and spiritual health of the children?
Because of our own excessive use of electronic devices in our quest to stay connected, we moms may become unavailable to attend to subtle developmental needs of our children. We’re so preoccupied we assume they’ll somehow figure it out on their own. But it just doesn’t work that way. If we want our offspring to learn crucial life skills in order to become successful adults, we have to intentionally intervene.